Profits of Doom

International climax expert Professor Tom Foolery today warned Australian men that “It’s worse than we thought.”

“By the end of the century, extreme climax events are going to be more frequent.  Partners will expect such events not once a year, but once a month, even ten times a month.  I don’t think Aussie men are up to it.  It will be the end of life as we know it.  Thank goodness I won’t be around to see it,” Professor Foolery said.

Fellow Biblical prophecy expert Professor Will E. Stepinit agreed, saying,  “The end is nigh.  Verily I say unto you, the seas will rise up and swallow you; yea, even unto the hundredth centimetre.  You may not see any rise yet, but your children and your children’s children will surely not have so far to go to the beach.”

Another nappy change expert, Professor Huggies, also said on ABC Radio, “We haven’t noticed so much sea level rise because the land is rising too; but the sea is still rising.  In fact it’s doubled in the last 20 years.  You fools can’t see it because the whole of Australia has risen twice as fast in the past 20 years as well.  Geologists are just too dumb to notice.”

I asked an Aussie bloke what he thought of the predictions of these profits- (Is that the right spelling?  That’s what they do.)- from the Climate Commission.

“Tell ‘em they’re dreamin’, ” he said.

6 Responses to “Profits of Doom”

  1. black duck Says:

    Good One Ken. But I bet Tom and Will E are not receiving as much largesse for their predictions as their real life counterparts.

  2. Paul80 Says:

    The Climage Change Commission members are being paid/bribed up to $130,000 pa to tell the government what they wish to be told.

    Even at a sea level rise of 3.1mm/year which is less than 300 mm to the end of the century, how anyone can say “one metre or more” ?? Gross exaggeration !!

  3. cementafriend Says:

    Nicely put Ken. Tried look at Stepinit’s qualifications and his thesis at Uni Florida. No success. The papers he has written do not appear to have any technical content. I sent an email with an attached paper about real data and a mention of the lapse rate but it appears he could not understand it. Heard his US accent on MTR and his preference for GISS temperature. He was not interested in the satellite temperature trend. It appears the Australian taxpayers are paying for a group who have no technical qualifications or expertise to assess weather or climate change. They are only good at regurgitating ICCP rubbish and adding a few extra alarmisms.
    They certainly are not independent.
    Pity that two technical incompetents (both lawyers -the same as Gilliar) on the liberal side (Hunt & Turnbull) believe Foolery & Stepinit.

  4. Bob in Castlemaine Says:

    A press release today from the Comedy Commission warned that people should be alarmed about the coming invasion of Sus domestica volans
    which their computer models confidently predict will devastate the planet in 2100. Unless of course we immediately introduce the ALP/Greens Sus domestica volans tax.

  5. TWAWKI » Carbon tax – dumb and dumber Says:

    […] Green profits of doom […]

  6. howard Says:

    what about the consideration that the sun is increasing speed as a result of its orbit what would that do to weather changes

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