International climax expert Professor Tom Foolery today warned Australian men that “It’s worse than we thought.”
“By the end of the century, extreme climax events are going to be more frequent. Partners will expect such events not once a year, but once a month, even ten times a month. I don’t think Aussie men are up to it. It will be the end of life as we know it. Thank goodness I won’t be around to see it,” Professor Foolery said.
Fellow Biblical prophecy expert Professor Will E. Stepinit agreed, saying, “The end is nigh. Verily I say unto you, the seas will rise up and swallow you; yea, even unto the hundredth centimetre. You may not see any rise yet, but your children and your children’s children will surely not have so far to go to the beach.”
Another nappy change expert, Professor Huggies, also said on ABC Radio, “We haven’t noticed so much sea level rise because the land is rising too; but the sea is still rising. In fact it’s doubled in the last 20 years. You fools can’t see it because the whole of Australia has risen twice as fast in the past 20 years as well. Geologists are just too dumb to notice.”
I asked an Aussie bloke what he thought of the predictions of these profits- (Is that the right spelling? That’s what they do.)- from the Climate Commission.
“Tell ‘em they’re dreamin’, ” he said.